i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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