Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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