Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
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No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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