saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize