i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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