Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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