I just made out with a guy for $7.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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