man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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