All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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