i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I die, sorry about rent.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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