I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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