I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He passed out mid-signature
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize