My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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