Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize