Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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