Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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