I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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