no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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