you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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