I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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