I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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