What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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