I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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