Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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