i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize