Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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