The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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