A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize