everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize