Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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