I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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