When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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