Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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