That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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