dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize