he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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