apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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