Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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