I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize