its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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