My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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