i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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