I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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