Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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