My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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