Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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