you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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