I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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