He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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