i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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